Relationship Contracts: What Are They & How To Use Them Effectively

 You are probably asking yourself "What is a relationship contract?" 

Most people are completely in the dark about them, but I guarantee you, you have heard about at least one kind of relationship contract - a prenuptial agreement. 

Whether you have one yourself or have heard about them in a movie or t.v show, almost everyone has heard of this one. 

Prenup's are a type of relationship contract used specifically for marriage and generally you only hear about them being used by people with money, assets or businesses they want to protect. 

They are the number one most common style of relationship contract, which gives us a great starting point in understanding what relationship contracts are. 

Relationship contracts, like prenup's, are commonly used by couples to set specific agreements to determine what their partner gets (in regards to money, access to assets or control of a company), if anything, during a relationship, when and if their relationship ends, and what rules are set up to determine what would count as grounds for divorce. 

You have most likely seen in a movie, a couple using a prenup with a rule similar to, if one partner cheats on the other they lose their claim to any wealth or share of a company, and that is basically how they work. Both partners in a relationship agree to a set of rules and consequences during their relationship, but you don't need to be the CEO of a multimillion dollar company, or even be looking to get married in order to utilize a relationship contract.

If you are in any kind of relationship, whether it is new or an already existing relationship, you can and should have a relationship contract.

For example: If you are in a friends with benefits style relationship, you could use a relationship contract to establish clear rules about whether or not you actually go on dates, or who's place you play at, or whether your play will or can involve others, if you have specific days or the week or month to play, or how often you will each get STI tests and of course, what would be grounds for termination of your relationship. 

You can also set guidelines for how long a relationship is expected to last or how often your relationship contract should be renewed. Once the rules are set and everyone agrees, you then sign your contract and everyone involved gets a copy. If you need, you can have a friend or family member from each party involved, sign as a witness so if there is ever a disagreement, you have another person to help mediate. 

Relationship contracts can be used for literally any type of relationship, involving any number of people, with any kind of rules that you and your partner(s) want. You can even leave it open ended to allow for the addition, subtraction or edits of certain rules, at any time or after a set amount of time.

Relationship contracts can even be used to establish rules for those who are dating to determine who picks who up, who pays, if anniversaries are celebrated or not, if the relationship is exclusive or not, what holidays are spent together, if any, or if you are expected to meet your partners family or friends.

You can literally customize a relationship contract to be specific to your relationship and you can have a new one every time you enter into a new relationship. 

Relationship contracts are also used in BDSM relationships, usually when one of the partners is considered a slave or if any type of CNC play is involved in the relationship or scene.

With relationship contracts you have to make sure that you aren't jumping in the deep end of the pool and only focusing on the things that benefit only yourself, you need to fully discuss the contract with your partner(s) and everyone involved needs to fully agree to all rules, without feeling like they are being screwed over or feeling like they have no choice, before signing. 

You can't meet someone new, go on a coffee date and whip out a massive contract then expect the other person to sign it without them having a chance to voice their opinion. You need to sit down together and fully discuss both of your expectations for the relationship before you even write a relationship contract, let alone have anyone sign one. 

You also need to be able to clearly communicate your reason for using a relationship contract in the first place, and you need to be prepared for your partner or potential partner, to decide that a relationship contract isn't for them.

Relationship contracts outside of prenup's aren't normalized in our society yet and asking your partner for one may throw them off, especially if you are already in an established relationship. So if you do want to start using relationship contracts, be prepared to have lengthy discussions and answer some difficult questions, and be prepared for your partner to be apprehensive. 

The most important thing to remember is that a relationship contract can be as vague or detailed as you and your partner want, and they can be terminated at any time if things in your relationship don't work with your relationship contract. 

Relationship contracts, outside of prenup's, are not legally binding, so if things do go south you probably won't be able to use one as evidence in court, however if you are heading into a long term relationship, you may be able to have a lawyer look over your relationship contract and advise you and your partner about what can and cannot be legally binding.